So, I am three months into my trip and it has been an emotional and sometimes even mentally straining rollercoaster.
And in those three months I have seen and done some pretty awesome things.
I have worked with elephants and seen what can only be described as the "backstage" of elephant tourism, where I had a baby elephant cry after me because she just wanted to play. I've hopped on the back of a guys motorbike to the endure a 7 hour ride through the mountains of Thailand (with my massive bag on can I add). I've witnessed some pretty amazing sunsets; two of which being particularly special. One in Kratie where I spent it playing in the river with two Khmeur children, one of whom gave me a dead fish as a gift. The other one being in my favourite area of Phnom Penh; the garden between the Royal Palace and the river, where the sun sets over the palace and local Khmeur families and monks go to end their day. I've hulahooped over looking Pai. I've canyoned in Vietnam. I've been to one of the Seven Wonders of the World and made up the history of it because we were too cheap to hire a guide. I've swam with cows. I've experienced the despiration of Cambodia on a bus ride to Vietnam; I was two seats away from a woman who was very sick to the point where I truely believe she was dying, sat with her family clearly heading to a hospital in Saigon, an unfourtunately common practice in Cambodia since the healthcare is so bad; something I would describe as eye opening as apposed to awesome, of course. I've shared a three hour bus journey with a goat in a bag. And I have met the friendliest most wonderful cow, who loved her belly being rubbed, kissed me a lot, and followed me when I went to leave because she just wanted some hugs.
I have met some awesome people who its safe to say has made my life better just knowing they exist. I've had some pretty sad goodbyes, but also some pretty lovely reunions.
But the one thing I've been contemplating the most is the colossal amount of time I'm going to be doing this.
It's strange because when most people leave home they go to university, which is essentially leaving home for a few months at a time but always knowing you will be coming home for Christmas and the summer to see your family and friends from home. I on the other hand never had that; I never went to uni because the concept of commiting to one city and one subject just didnt make me happy. Everyone else was so excited to go and I just didnt really seem to care all that much about going. I wanted to see the world, and thats exactly what I'm doing. However what was originally going to be an 8 month trip has now evolved to a trip which could easily be up to 4 years. I have left home with absolutely no intention of coming back for Christmas or any plans to see my family.
I'm not going to experience the gradual, more common, way of leaving home. I've just essentially cut myself completely from it.
I'm not going to see my best friend for 3 years. Lydia and I have always been inseprable, described as gaggling geese and Japanese school girls because of how much we laugh together and I'm not going to have that for 3 years.
I am only 20 years old so when I come home I'm going to look different, I might even speak different. I might even be somewhat unrecognisable to my parents.
The next time I see my sisters one is going to be almost 20 herself and the other will be 16 and I wont see the transition. When I get home theyre just suddenly going to be people. Like actual people.
I'm not going to have Christmas with my family, and I'm not going to celebrate and birthdays with them. My friends are going to do a bunch of cool shit without me and celebrate their birthdays without me.
Its a bizarre concept, one that I am struggling with, not in terms of because I'm sad but just because it's so fucking weird. And as well i didnt originally plan on leaving for so long; maybe I would have done some better goodbyes if I had known it would be the last goodbye for years as appossed to months.
But its ok. I'm leading the life I've actually wanted to lead for a very long time; since I was 17 in fact. People say I cant have known what I wanted to do and more specifically who I wanted to be at such a young age of 17 but its 3 years down the line and for the unforeseeable future, this is how my life is going to be lead. Moving, constantly moving, living on the road out of a bag, because I dont need much else. With a lack of things because things drag me down.
My only real aim in life is to have a nice time. So thats what I plan on doing. And its working so far. So thats nice.
