Leaving home

So, I am three months into my trip and it has been an emotional and sometimes even mentally straining rollercoaster.
And in those three months I have seen and done some pretty awesome things.
I have worked with elephants and seen what can only be described as the "backstage" of elephant tourism, where I had a baby elephant cry after me because she just wanted to play. I've hopped on the back of a guys motorbike to the endure a 7 hour ride through the mountains of Thailand (with my massive bag on can I add). I've witnessed some pretty amazing sunsets; two of which being particularly special. One in Kratie where I spent it playing in the river with two Khmeur children, one of whom gave me a dead fish as a gift. The other one being in my favourite area of Phnom Penh; the garden between the Royal Palace and the river, where the sun sets over the palace and local Khmeur families and monks go to end their day. I've hulahooped over looking Pai. I've canyoned in Vietnam. I've been to one of the Seven Wonders of the World and made up the history of it because we were too cheap to hire a guide. I've swam with cows. I've experienced the despiration of Cambodia on a bus ride to Vietnam; I was two seats away from a woman who was very sick to the point where I truely believe she was dying, sat with her family clearly heading to a hospital in Saigon, an unfourtunately common practice in Cambodia since the healthcare is so bad; something I would describe as eye opening as apposed to awesome, of course. I've shared a three hour bus journey with a goat in a bag. And I have met the friendliest most wonderful cow, who loved her belly being rubbed, kissed me a lot, and followed me when I went to leave because she just wanted some hugs.
I have met some awesome people who its safe to say has made my life better just knowing they exist. I've had some pretty sad goodbyes, but also some pretty lovely reunions.
But the one thing I've been contemplating the most is the colossal amount of time I'm going to be doing this.
It's strange because when most people leave home they go to university, which is essentially leaving home for a few months at a time but always knowing you will be coming home for Christmas and the summer to see your family and friends from home. I on the other hand never had that; I never went to uni because the concept of commiting to one city and one subject just didnt make me happy. Everyone else was so excited to go and I just didnt really seem to care all that much about going. I wanted to see the world, and thats exactly what I'm doing. However what was originally going to be an 8 month trip has now evolved to a trip which could easily be up to 4 years. I have left home with absolutely no intention of coming back for Christmas or any plans to see my family.
I'm not going to experience the gradual, more common, way of leaving home. I've just essentially cut myself completely from it.
I'm not going to see my best friend for 3 years. Lydia and I have always been inseprable, described as gaggling geese and Japanese school girls because of how much we laugh together and I'm not going to have that for 3 years.
I am only 20 years old so when I come home I'm going to look different, I might even speak different. I might even be somewhat unrecognisable to my parents.
The next time I see my sisters one is going to be almost 20 herself and the other will be 16 and I wont see the transition. When I get home theyre just suddenly going to be people. Like actual people.
I'm not going to have Christmas with my family, and I'm not going to celebrate and birthdays with them. My friends are going to do a bunch of cool shit without me and celebrate their birthdays without me.
Its a bizarre concept, one that I am struggling with, not in terms of because I'm sad but just because it's so fucking weird. And as well i didnt originally plan on leaving for so long; maybe I would have done some better goodbyes if I had known it would be the last goodbye for years as appossed to months.

But its ok. I'm leading the life I've actually wanted to lead for a very long time; since I was 17 in fact. People say I cant have known what I wanted to do and more specifically who I wanted to be at such a young age of 17 but its 3 years down the line and for the unforeseeable future, this is how my life is going to be lead. Moving, constantly moving, living on the road out of a bag, because I dont need much else. With a lack of things because things drag me down.
My only real aim in life is to have a nice time. So thats what I plan on doing. And its working so far. So thats nice.

Up North with the lovely Delaney

Since we were both heading up north on our lonesome, Delaney and I decided to do some exploring together. We caught a very unnecessarily highly air conditioned bus from Surin straight to Chiang Mai. Chiang Mai was what neither of us expected; Delanely expected a smaller town like city with not much going on, I on the other hand expected more skyscrapers and modern vibes - since Chiang Mai we were told means "new city" - both were wrong assumptions, the city somewhat meeting in the middle of what we thought. Most of the time, I sadly have to admit, we were looking for a ping pong show, out of genuine interest having heard stories of dart throwing and even bottle opening (yes, that is apparently possible). We failed since the city no longer "allows" ping pong shows for the obvious reason of it being a bit too vulgar; they do however have quite a few brothel-esque go-go bars, filled with seedy 50+ westerners. Thats ok though. (So I guess if you're up north looking for a ping pong show, it wont happen, best bets are Bangkok and Phuket. Just a little advice).
However we did have a very strange experience with a southern American man with a baseball cap and a 70s pornstar tash which told us the best place to go is StarXix where "the girls and boys do some crazy shit". We arrived at this bar which is a 10 minute walk away, to find the crazy southern american already there. With a plastic bag in his hand. He beckoned us forward, pointed to the bar and said in a hushed voice "aah you made it! It may look closed, its only to avoid the police from shutting them down, but you can just go in and see some crazy shit. I came here for a different reason. Have fun kids", then melted into the distance. We dont know how he got there before us. We dont know what was in the plastic bag. We just don't know. I don't think anyone knows. And I'm guaranteeing his potentially very real wife back home doesn't know. What we do know (or more accurately guess) is what he was going to do that night. Grim.
So Chaing Mai was a strange experience to say the least.
We then caught the bus to Pai, a drive which I could only describe as sublime; beautiful windy roads through the mountains, sheer drops of so many feet only really made dangerous by the crazy Thai style driving of "fuck it I'm getting there first".
Pai was pretty strange, a small village of no more than I'm going to guess 20,000 residents (thats a wild stab in the dark, don't take my word for it at all). And honestly not what I thought it would be like at all; filled with travellers for a start. Since its so small, I was expecting it to be simply a tiny Thai village with a few markets and wats, a relaxed vibe with a couple handfuls of travelers. However all sorts of travelers from far and wide had arrived for various reasons. A lot of people who had turned up because of the reputation of being a small "hippie" village - the same as me - a few who had turned up for a couple of days and just hadn't left, and of course a couple who were there just to party. Pai was actuallly the place I first got sexually harassed in Thailand, which surprised me since Pai's reputation is simply "chill". This neanderthals was a stereotype; white - either Bristish or American - vest top, tribal tattoos, whose body language consisted of a lot of chest puffing. He grabbed my face, forced me to kiss him then went a laughed with a group of friends, which surprisingly consisted of two girls. The point of this story is, yes Pai is chill, but you will come across someone who just doesnt understand the concept that "Pai is chill".
Other than that, my time there was great. I stayed at Pai Circus Hostel, met some wonderful like minded people, hulahoopers, slackliners and such, and spent my days hulahopping and my nights with the people I had spent playing. The bus journey back was less than ideal. After three mini bus journeys being squished on the back seat in 30 degree heat, I was extatic to be placed in the front seat with Delaney; it really is the little things when you're traveling on as little money as possible. We had leg room! We should have guessed things weren't going to be as perfect as we thought when Delaney was placed in a seat which was sodden with a questionable liquid. The day we left, the weather decided to go all British on us; cold, grey and raining. Which would not have been an issue however a very inconsiderate woman sat on the very front seat next to the driver decided to get travel sickness, so needed the windows open. What followed was three and a half hours winding through the mountains, windows rolled down getting rained on. And not just any rain either, that horrid, what us British call "wet rain". The rain which somehow manages to be fine yet dense and soak you through to the soul. I was sat by the window, getting most of the spit and Delaney was sat trying to control her queasy motion-sensitive stomach and burning feet in what could have easily been piss.
We arrived at about 7 in the evening, both giving up on our further travel plans and spent one more night together in Chiang Mai.
It's a shame we had to go our seperate ways but we had fun with what we did do; we even got tattoos together in Pai. Thanks for traveling with me, Delaney you dark challanger you, I'm sure our paths will cross again soon.

If you really want to experience Asian elephants go volunteer in Surin

Ladt week I spent 7 days volunteering at The Surin Project in Surin, Thailand which is on the East border of Thailand, next to Cambodia. When looking into interacting with elephants I wanted to make sure that whatever I was doing wasn't causing any harm since when animals come into the picture, humans tend to have a tendency to act superior and like we can do whatever we please. I scanned a short article which mentioned the physical reasons why riding them was bad for them, so decided to chose a project which specifically mentioned how they did not allow riding. I chose the Surin Project and it was honestly the best decision I made nit only because of an incredible week with incredible people but because of the education which came with it.
The project is in a village called Ban Ta Klang, also known as elephant village. A village with families, houses (on stilts) and gardens (with elephants in). The village has around 200 elephants only of which 11 are in the project. The whole basis of the project is too educate mahouts who feel like punishment is the best way to train an elephant and to put an end of unethical elephant tourism.
For me, I feel like it was the rawest way to experience elephant tourism, because what I saw was the truth. As a person, I find lying the most cowardly way to live your life. People like to lie to themselves either because they can't handle the truth, or because they want to do something  selfish. And in the case of the treatment of animals in general I feel like people lie to themselves for both reasons. So for me, to go to an area where you see how the elephants are being treated when they're not being riden, at a show, performing at the circus was truely one of the most hard hitting, eye opening and honestly slightly life changing events.
On the first day, Eva a woman who was definitely the most passionate person volunteering at the project, showed me a video of the phajaab, a training technique to "break the elephants spirit". For two weeks of more the elephant is literally tortured to the point life long depression. And honestly from observing some of their behaviours and knowing how intelligent they are, I wouldn't be surprised if they had some form of post-traumatic stress disorder; also known as "shell-shock".
This is why the elephants are so obedient, its not through love, its not through enjoyment, its not through a special bond with their mahout, its because they are terrified.
The elephants we saw who were not on the project were underfed - some to the point to could see their rib cages - who would reach out for food when people, or trucks full of sugarcane would go by. They would shake their heads continuously and self soothing motion, something that I noticed as soon as I arrived; now I'm not an animal expert but it doesnt take a genius to see that wasn't right. Which, by the way, they do use as a begging technique; playing music so when the elephant is distressed it looks like its dancing.
Anda was the only elephant I saw and/or met that had true character; bearing in mind all the other elephants on the project were older and somewhat rescued from the situation they were in so have been through the phajaab. She was truely heart warming and honestly the one rock I had which gave me hope when being in a village surrounded by suffering. She really was juwt a big puppy. And she was obedient, not through fear or because she felt forced to but because she loved her mahout. When it comes to animals, to have one obedient through love is so much more impressive than one through fear; Anda is the example the village needs to prove that they do not need foul treatment for obedience. Comparing Anda to the other baby elephants who had gone through the phajaab was heart breaking. None of them had the cheekiness of Anda. They self comforted, cried, pulled at their chains, we even saw one be repeatedly hit on the back of the head with a metal hook as "training reinforcement".
So I beg of you, if you ever travel to Asia, do not ride an elephant. Avoid to do anything which promotes this kind of treatment. Like I said before, humans have a tendency to lie to themselves.  Now the information I have given you has been vague and based on what I physically saw however this is a continent wide thing, however if you have read this then you are now more aware than you were before. With this kind of information, with a lack of ignorance the question of "what kind of person are you going to be?"
When given the opportunity to ride an elephant, will you boycott it knowing the trauma the elephant is being put through for your amazing half hour experience sat on its back, or will you lie to yourself and justify your actions? I attempted to justify why I was at Tiger Temple, however within minutes of walking through the gates there was no doubt it was wrong,  and it felt horrible.
Elephants are intelligent and self aware and understand what theyre going through. Elephant tourism is not right.

Yay

So it has been approximately 25 hours since my plane left London airport and the from that moment it took off my head cleared. Every little thing which has made my head feel somewhat stuffy basically since birth disintegrated into nothingness and the nothingness which has been left can only be described as the most pleasant form of airheadedness, if there is such a thing.
But of course, because its me, it hasnt exactly gone according to plan. And it's only the first day.
When the plane was landing in Bangkok I had this feeling that something was about to go not exactly ideally but pushed those thoughts aside as simply the classic thoughts of "well a tornado full of sharks is going to attack right now, and I'm going to die before I actually live my dream". (I may have watched Sharknado: The Second One recently).
Everything went smoothly until I felt rather queasy when in line for my approval. In need to vom I went to the toilets to hear another girl wretching in the cubicle closest. So I was a nice person and threw up with her to let her know she wasnt alone.
I then went on to find out my bag was not in Bangkok. It was most likely in China which would have been fine if, you know, I was in China.
Of course. Classic.
If I were to be a worrier I would have stayed there for hours longer checking and double checkong but at the end of the day the clock was ticking and I was not goi g to spend New Years in an airport (which had air hostesses perfoming what I can only assume was semi-popular Thai chart music since there was a middle aged balding man singing along). I needed the city.
One hour later I arrived at Kao San Road, a popular area for tourists. And mysterious fortune telling men who take you down alley ways and eerily accurately guess what number or word you have written or thought of.
I spent probably 2 hours attempting to find my hostel however the pretty flashing lights, men in feather bikinis and a general crowd of gurning faces was all too distracting. The hostel situation was sorted pretty quickly when I actually tried but it was a liberating feeling being in a foreign country having no belongings and no idea where I was meant to be sleeping.
And then i went back out. After asking a funky Thai man wearing a Bob Marley shirt, bunny ears, sunglasses and an eye patch if I could take his picture I dont really know what happened. But I managed to get drunk for free, dance with a wonderful collection of people who melted into the night, and get the most awesome photographs I've ever taken.
I havent been to sleep in probably 40 hours and have to force myself to stay awake for my bag which should be arriving shortly. I havent really eaten but don't worry mom I've drank plenty of water.
I'm currently lead on my bed - which probably isnt usually all that great but at the moment I'm on a cloud - listening to some clearly white American "lads" in their early 20s talk about how much cocain they did last night.
I think I'm gonna like it here.

There are a lot of cats too.

It's Just A Ride

Since I'm currently suffering from somewhat of an existential crisis, for many personal reasons and from just observing the world we should collectively be considering to be our one and only home as a species, I thought it was relative - to me anyways - to post probably the most inspirational clip from any stand up show. His name is Bill Hicks and as you'll see from his stand up is that he is not only a comedian, but a philosopher who has a very deep thought process which questions the standards that we as a species live by.
"Don't worry, don't be afraid; it's just a ride"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0

The future

Since exams are coming up, and this is the end of our education, people are preparing to enter the "real world" as "adults" like to call it, I would just like to express my excitement not just for my future but everyone else's. The thought that a lot of people I know are about to go their own ways and experience life the way they want - whether that be by going to university, travelling, working - thrills me in such a way that I have such hope for the future, not just for me but for everyone I know. The thought that these same people will probably become a rarity in my life doesn't sadden me, but excites me; they're going to grow and change and experience and be. As someone who believes that life is a rollercoaster - thanks to Bill Hicks - I couldn't be more excited for them. 

The Illusion of Free Will

Wow.
Well this is interesting.
This is a lecture by Sam Harris, explaining his theory that free will does not exist, and to be honest it does make a lot of sense. I have always been a believer that people are the way they are for a reason, whether it be nature or nurture, the truth of the matter is, you do not chose who you become and Harris articulates this perfectly. However he takes it a step further saying "you do not chose what you chose" - this implies thinking of what you were going to chose before you actually thought it. (He explains it a hell of a lot better than that, I promise). 
Take a generic psychopath; there is scientific evidence to suggest that the neurological mechanisms in a psychopaths brain are different to that of a "normal" - not normal...stable - person. They did not chose that. Plus all the nurture variables, such as childhood and traumatic life events; people do not chose that either. And you can put it into perspective by looking at it like this; you did not chose your parents, just like Bin Laden's children did not chose theirs (the poor bastards). 
And I personally prefer this way of thinking. It promotes a more empathetic view and in many ways humanises people. 

Any ways, here is the lecture. Watch it if you're interested. It's only 1.20hrs long.

Dirty Girls

Recently, Lydia showed me this short video documentary, shot in 1996 about "dirty girls". Dirty girls are defined in this video as girls who don't wash, don't do their make up, basically any girl not conforming to what a woman "should" be like. Basically the stereotypical view on an extreme feminist. The views of the people in the high school it was shot at was, what I can only describe as, prejudice and judgemental. These "dirty girls" dress and look the way they want because they believe they don't need to glorify themselves for anybody and any one who stands for women's rights - which, by the way, if you do classes you as a feminist (you do not need to be a Dirty Girl to be a feminist) - should be completely understanding and supporting of their lifestyle. Sure, it is nice to look nice - I do my make up and dress semi-decent most of the time (I have been said to pull off the "homeless" look) - however if someone else, especially a woman, does not feel the need to do so then how is that any of your business? If it were a boy who were to come into school, or anywhere for that matter, without washing their hair or wearing the most basic of clothes no one would bat an eye lid because it's ok if guys don't want to try. Many girls even find it attractive. But as soon as a woman doesn't pretty themselves up then it's gross. And what's weird is that it's considered rebelling. In many ways it is, however if society didn't have these ridiculous ideologies of how women should be like, and pressurise them so much to be these ideologies then, of course, it wouldn't be.
One guy in it says "it's easy to rebel"...Well considering the amount of abuse these girls are getting for being who they are, I really don't think it is. It's easy to conform to what other people expect since you won't get the judgement that everyone hates receiving.
What I found most shocking about the whole thing is that most of the judgement came from girls themselves. Gurl, these women are standing up for your gender and your right for equality, they do not deserve your snide comments. One girl in the video says and I quote "I find it personally offensive they're fighting for women because I'm a woman, you know, and they're not". Wait... what?! You know what a "real" woman is? There is no such thing. Gender is not two separate boxes any more (even though I truly believe it never was). There is a wide spectrum of gender - and sexuality for that matter - that nowadays should be accepted and celebrated; girls do not have to be feminine and men do not have to be masculine. We are past the point of gender roles and putting people into stereotypical boxes. This is the 21st century and we have bigger problems to worry about than how other people chose to portray themselves.
Feminism has come a long way in the past 100 years but that doesn't mean we should stop now. And when I say "we" I do not just mean women, I mean any one who believes in equality of gender.





If anyone is interested then here is the link to "Dirty Girls". When you watch it, I know a few of you won't agree with their views but just remember, it's their life, their choice and at the end of the day, they're just being themselves.

The hippie dream

When I think of what I want from life, the only thing I truly want is freedom; the freedom to travel, the freedom to live each day as it comes, the freedom to do what I want when I want and not have to listen to the critical bullshit from Westernised conservatives who believe that every other way than their own is wrong. In other words, I want to live the hippie dream. 

The hippies are undoubtedly the one's who figured out the meaning of life. Now, I know a lot of people see hippies as unconstitutional druggies with no aim in life but if you were to seriously listen to what they had to say you would see they do have an aim; to live in a way which steers clear of superficiality and focus on what really matters which is spirituality, peace, understanding and love. Conforming to a society that someone doesn't feel a part of and following a dream that isn't theirs shouldn't be a necessity to be accepted as a "decent" human being. Everyone should be allowed to do what they want; if you want to work and earn a certain sum of money, that's fine, just don't look down on people who don't want the same as you. I watched a documentary recently on Goa, a place in India where a lot of the hippies migrated to in the late 60's and 70's called The Last Hippie Standing and there was a man on there who said people get too attached to things which are essentially tools for living. Yes, having a mobile is great but it's just tool to communicate with others; it is dangerous to get too attached because one day it might not be as useful as you think and you will have to do something to work your way around it. Dont panic, just do. One of the most liberating moments of my life was when I spent a week traveling all over the UK with out a phone. As silly as it may seem but it made me feel completely to my own devices, no phone numbers, no time, no Facebook and no Google maps. Solitude is bliss and I'm incredibly lucky that survival is so easy to me. 

At the end of this year I am leaving for South East Asia; 8 months on my own - of course I will have to take my phone because I think both my parents would have a simultaneous heart attacks if I dont contact them within two weeks - however with the earth between my toes and wanderlust in my heart, I believe that this is what I'm meant to do.

Django - the D is silent **spoilers**

I've been talking a lot recently about how much I love the movie Django but I don't think anyone fully understands how much I mean it.
I don't even know how to describe this film but the best movie I have seen in a while. Everything about it is just so...badass. I usually hate that word but it is perfectly fitting; the cinematography, Jamie Foxx, the soundtrack, Christoph Waltz and of course that fucking shoot out scene; never have I gotten so excited over a three minute chunk of a film. I originally downloaded it because I was so eager to see it and being just a poor boy from a poor family I had no money to see it in the cinema right away, but as soon as I did, I went on a movie date with Sammy and oh...my...God. In my opinion, there are very few films actually worth seeing at the cinema and this is definitely one of them. And I am so unbelievably happy I got to experience it because being 17, I was worried I wouldn't be allowed to get in. Plus, you know, its Quentin Tarantino.
Let's start with the context. Slavery. It happened ok, so there's no point getting offending by the movies theme or the fact the word "nigger" is said at least 150 times because that's just how it was in those days. It is such an ugly part of both races history - the black community having suffered through it and the white community causing it - and for many years it has been a taboo, especially in America.  People have to come to the terms that this is history and even though the whole scenario and the characters are fiction, it doesn't stop it from being any less real. Tarantino said in the famous "I'm shutting your butt down" interview at how happy he was with the controversy it has caused since it's "creating a nice debate" which I have to agree. Something which I was surprised with though was how people responded to the violence in the film. First of all, I'm sorry but it's a Tarantino film what do you fucking expect? Secondly, am I the only one who noticed two very different types of violence? The first type I like to call "Typical Tarantino Turbulence". This is your badass, shoot every motherfucker in sight just because you can. Now let me get this straight, in real life I am completely opposed to gun violence in every way but when it comes to a cinematic performance it's difficult not to get a small amount of glee watching the good guys shoot the bad guys in such a drastic non-realistic way, especially when it's set to music which you would wish to play in real life if you were ever in the same position. And what I think makes this violence much more powerful than usual is the fact that Django is not only standing up for himself and saving the love of his life, but standing up for an entire race. The second type I witnessed, which honestly made me feel a little sick, was the realistic violence, for example the "Madingo" fight. But the fact it made me feel ill only adds to the cinematic experience; this kind of thing happened people. This is fact. It's hard hitting, and the non-racist white folk may want to ignore it but this is what our ancestors put them through.
It's the little things like this which I think make Tarantino one of the greatest directors in history. His cinematography skills never fail to impress me. The soundtrack is unbelievable too. The song played during the opening credits - which is called "Django" surprisingly - gives the feeling of just another western, but when you get into the film, the always fantastic Rick Ross, James Brown and 2Pac make an apperance. Now this has been criticised - one blogger describing it "hippety-hop yo yo yo yo yo" music (yes, i know) - but is in fact a very clever way of interpreting modern black culture into a movie about their ancestry. 
And as always, the dialogue is phenomenal. My favourite being in the infamous Klu Klux Klan scene. Yes, I know it's considered one of the more offensive scenes in the movie but really look at the situation. They are about to go savagely murder two men simply because one of them is black and the other is a "nigger lover" yet they're bickering over their hoods because they "can't see fucking shit".
The reason Tarantino put pen to paper was "to give black American males a Western hero". And he definitely did. Jamie Foxx's performance is, in my opinion, absolutely brilliant. And it's completely unexpected; if I was the one to write this, I never would have thought to cast Jamie Foxx and it just would not have been the same. And it's not just him who adds so much the film. Of course I am on about Christoph Waltz, the adorable, lovable German, with a face which looks like it's been carved by the little bean toes of kittens. He's just incredible. I really liked his performance in Inglorious Bastards; he was the villain you couldn't help but like because he's so cool and adorable. And I after watching Django Unchained, I realised it was because Christoph Waltz was cast. Leonardo DiCaprio was just Leonardo DiCaprio. Perfect as always. (WHY HASN'T HE WON AN OSCAR?!). Again the villain you can't help but have a soft spot for simply because of the casting. Samuel L. Jackson was a weird one for me. Basically Lydia watched the movie before me and said she didn't recognise him until she looked him up which confused both of us because he's Samuel L. Jackson. So I watched the movie seeing if I could spot him; it took me 45 minutes since his first appearance on screen to finally identify him. How I didn't recognise one of the most famous actors of our time, I do not know. But when you watch it, notice how different he looks! 

So the next time I say I love Django Unchained, now you know I fucking mean it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrsJDy8VjZk << "I'm shutting your butt down" interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MowLQ5cC1eg << The best scene omfg

Introduction

I'm going to be honest, I don't really know why I have started this blog. I guess it would be a comforting idea that other people out there think similarly to me, believed the same philosophies and shared the same ideas. However I don't even think I want people to read what I'm writing because of how honest I want to be through this; but then what's the point of a blog right? 
I'll start with introducing myself on a somewhat superficial level, then as the blog progresses whoever reads this will eventually get a perception of who I am.
I'm 17 to start with, so ignorant towards a lot of things, however completely aware of the "real world" so don't tell me to see how difficult things are when I "enter" it like it's a whole other dimension because I am not going to fucking listen. 
I go to sixth form in my home town  and I used to hate it. Last year I wasn't happy there at all and everyone used to annoy me constantly however that's changed; I'm not quite sure why but this year I'm just happier with the whole dynamics and even though there are a few select people I know I'll never get on well enough with to consider friends and they play the shittest music known to man in the common room when I leave I'll probably miss it. I'm doing English Literature, Psychology and Art. English Literature I chose simply because of the fabulous Giles Watson, one of the most underrated human beings in history; I believe that when he leaves the school there should be a statue of him displayed proudly in front the school with his glorious shirts and waistcoats and a pipe. I chose psychology because I'm interested in human nature and I like trying to understand why people think and behave the way they do - my teacher for psychology Rebecca Heath too deserves some sort of memorabilia at the school. Art was one of my choices because I love everything about it; the concept not particularly the subject; too much coursework and I think the way they mark it is too structured for such an abstract subject. My favourite artist is Vincent Van Gogh; he's the only artist who has given me goosebumps and actually made me shed a tear. 
Sometimes I'm too socially awkward for my own good which I know is stupid because I don't have to impress anyone, I just think people need time to come to terms to how weird I can be.
I love music. It's an expression of emotion I can't quite comprehend; how someone can write beautiful lyrics and finds the correct succession of chords and beats is beyond me as someone with no musical talent. And even though I would love to be musical, the fact I'm not in a way it makes it all the more interesting that there are people out there who have the ability to create emotions through sound. 
I am also a huge movie fan. Certain movies have just got it ie: The Great Dictator. That fucking speech is hair raising. My favourite directors are Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson both of which are on the complete opposite sides of the scale. I will probably write - at some point - at just how amazing they are. 
I think I finally know what to do with my life but I have no fucking clue how to get there. All I want to do is humanitarian work, so maybe work for the UN? Work my way to the point where I can start my own organisation and help people my own way, because being just another member of an organisation doesn't seem satisfying enough for me. Maybe do some writing on the side. Hopefully one day, a creative spark will explode and a best selling novel will be written through my pen and I can use that money to travel and give to schools and help people in debt. Hey, it's not impossible. 
I think people should be more honest and genuine, not just to others but to themselves. Other people aren't going to be in your life forever, but you will be. 
I am also a true believer in empathy. The worlds would be a much better place if we were all a bit more empathetic and understanding towards one another. 

My dinner party guests include:
Christopher McCandless
Jim Morrison
Charlie Chaplin
Charles Manson
Vincent Van Gogh
Lydia Woodall
Joe Thurston
James Kane
It would be the fucking greatest.

I think that's about it for now. I don't really have a lot to say about myself to be honest.